


Reality

by DaSaltInDaPeppermill



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
Genre: Dreams vs. Reality, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Meta Poetry, Metaphors, Surreal, Wonderland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29940438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaSaltInDaPeppermill/pseuds/DaSaltInDaPeppermill
Summary: What happens if the truth melts away, the edges of reality blurring together? Do you land in wonderland? Poem-ish maybe?





	Reality

Some days, I wake up at 3am. My alarm clock shows me it’s 6. time to get up and go to school, and do whatever it is people do in this age. Some days I get dressed and have breakfast, only to realize the sky is still black as ink, dotted with silver slivers of hope. I can’t go back to sleep so I stare. Stare up at them, their reflection in my eyes, and imagine them dripping down like quicksilver, enveloping the world in their beautiful toxicity. Some days, I stay up. I grasp for those slivers like I grasp for the hand of a loved one on the verge of death. Like holding them will turn my life silver rather than just poison my heart. And some days, I can’t remember what love even is.  
Those are the days I wish for heartbreak. I wish to loose love just to be sure that I have loved before. How can you know a feeling exists if you’ve never been without it?   
When you're always drowning, that feeling becomes a new normal. Your ocean becomes a new 'okay'. So when people ask you how you’re feeling you say you’re good. It doesn’t even occur to you that that might be a lie. It might be a lie.  
Some days, I dream about my life, and go through life like it’s all a Dream. I wake up in the middle of the night wondering how I got from school to here. I stop in the middle of a lesson and ask myself how I can know I’m not dreaming.   
The corona virus took a toll on all of us, yet one moment I wonder: was it even real? And I don’t dare ask anyone, because what if the answer is no? What if the question will land me with a nice doctor in white faster than I can say I’m kidding? Could I have fallen this far down the rabbit hole? Following Alice through wonderland probably wasn’t the best idea.   
When the white rabbit tells me I’m already too late, and moments later I arrive at school, half an hour early. When the mad hatter offers me tea and I can’t recall ever getting to the tea party, or how the dormouse got next to me. The red Queen cries 'off with her head' and for a moment I’m tempted to follow her orders, card gardeners parading around me like the planets circle the sun.   
Reality blurs together like the colours in the painting hanging on my wall, constantly moving, shifting and creating new shades of red. I can’t tell if the roses were ever white to begin with. So I Walk through Life with a Cheshire grin, wondering when I’ll wake up. And I’m still waiting. Waiting to open my eyes and see the March hare leaning over me in a white dress. Maybe I am turning into poor little Alice, but at least this is all not real, right?


End file.
